Dare I say the A word? What if I told you that I struggle with it too?
Normally, I write about happiness, living boldly, and being one’s most authentic self. However, I think it’s important to give a voice to an emotion that plagues many of us. Frankly, I don’t believe you can sustain happiness, authenticity, or a life lived boldly without first addressing this very real truth:
Anxiety exists. It can be debilitating at times. It can feel all-consuming.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is something we like to tie up in pretty ribbon and wrapping paper. It is often tucked away in a dark corner as to not give notice to the chaos brewing within. My intention for this post is that as we talk about difficult things, we take away their power. And as anxiety sits there powerless, we can be honest in admitting how it manifests itself in our own lives and develop the tools and techniques to manage anxiety on offense rather than defense mode.
Although anxiety isn’t something everyone struggles with, it is something many of us do. Anxiety can have unexplainable — and at times, debilitating– power over us. It influences our productivity, relationships, and overall state of wellness. If we do not learn how to effectively manage our anxiety, it can infect the way we function in both our personal and professional lives.
Do not be mistaken– anxiety is very much alive and well in today’s society.
Anxiety has manifested itself in many forms throughout the course of my life. It appears when I have looming deadlines. The feeling arises when I’ve had less sleep than normal. Frankly, anxiety is present with something as simple as multiple items on my to-do list.
I think there are massive benefits to having a healthy amount of anxiety in your life. The key word here is, of course, “healthy”. Healthy is such a subjective word in this case because it looks different for everyone. To one person, juggling three jobs and going to school full-time is deemed manageable and therefore produces a healthy amount of anxiety. To others, going to school full-time and working 20 hours at their internship constitutes a sufficient amount of anxiety. No one can define what healthy looks like except for the subject matter expert itself (aka YOU).
What does “too much” anxiety look like?
As you can probably guess, this looks different for each of us however, in general, I have found that there are several key indicators that suggest anxiety may be all too present. It’s important to preface this by saying that the following indicators are ways in which anxiety has manifested itself in my own life; by no means is this a comprehension list nor is it backed by scholarly research. This is just your girl, Al, telling you the ways in which I have learned to identify my anxiety and when it’s gotten out of hand.
→ Inability to Live out your Normal Life.
At its core, the inability to live out your normal life is the central indicator that your anxiety has taken over. I think this was the first time I realized I had anxiety that stretched beyond the boundaries of what I deemed as “healthy”. As a college student, it is a constant juggle between class, work, friends, homework, group projects, second jobs, and getting an adequate amount of sleep. My first confrontation with real, debilitating anxiety happened my Junior year of college. Between unforeseen family stress and school moving at an ultra-high speed (per usual), I felt utterly overwhelmed. It felt like I was being stretched so thin with no relief on the horizon.
One day when I went into work, despite all my efforts, I couldn’t hold it together. I wanted to curl up in the closest corner, close my eyes, and cry endlessly. I had reached a point that my body had been warning me of for weeks. Instead of dealing with my anxiousness or pressing “pause” long enough to recenter my focus, I wore myself down mentally and emotionally with it all coming to an epic halt that day at work.
→ Constant Jitters and/or Feeling on Edge.
This one is difficult to explain unless you’ve experienced it yourself. The best illustration I can think of is a constant wave of electrocution jolting through your body (granted I’ve never been electrocuted myself however, this is how I imagine it). Your body is constantly tense and shaky. Your heart feels like it’s always beating faster than normal and you can never stand still for fear of falling behind. This state is exhausting and destroys any hope of finding relief or contentment.
→ Distortion of the Truth.
Even when your to-do list consists of two mediocre items, they appear as enormous as climbing Mount Everest. Anxiety distorts the true perception of things and makes them appear far more mountainous than their reality. If a friend asks you to grab coffee next week, you are certain there is no time because of the exam you have a week from today. When your roommate asks you to take an afternoon walk on the first nice day in months, you convince yourself that doing so will put you too far behind. With the facts distorted, the likelihood for overwhelm increases exponentially as our minds cannot detect the difference between truth and falsehood.
How do you effectively manage anxiety?
I so wish the answer to this question was short and sweet. I wish I could tie it up in a shiny bow and deliver it to your doorstep for you to unwrap. I want the answer to be easy to understand and quick to implement. But like most things worth doing, learning how to actively manage your anxiety takes practice and persistence.
If you experience noticeable anxiety- the kind that stretches beyond “healthy”- it is something you will likely deal with for the rest of your life. This statement isn’t intended to be a life sentence but it is important to recognize that there is no one-time remedy to permanently “cure” anxiousness.
It requires intentionality. You must identify the thing(s) that trigger your anxiety so that you can recognize them as soon as they present themselves. For example, I know that I become significantly more anxious when I have something that’s been on my to-do list for more than a few days. Recently, this looked like emailing one of my professors. Guys, you know how long it takes to send an email…..approximately 0.0000081 seconds. Yet, it kept moving lower and lower on my priority totem pole which consequently jolted my anxiety through the roof. The email had to be sent by a certain date but since that date appeared far in the future, I let the task sit on my to-do list for weeks. This brings me to my first point.
#1. The 10 Minute Rule.
If there are things that you can do right now to minimize your anxiety, DO THEM. Anything that will take no more than 10 minutes and has the potential to lessen your load, get up right now and go do it. I am serious– stop reading. Go send the email, wash the dishes, call your mom, submit the quiz– whatever it is, get up and get going. I’ll wait.
#2. Identify what Triggers your Anxiety.
It does no good trying to eliminate all stressful, anxiety-inducing situations from your life. Some triggers are in your realm of control and you should work to minimize the occurrence of those things (spending time with friends that belittle you, saying “Yes” to too many things, etc). However, many of the scenarios that induce anxiety are unexpected. Spend the next few weeks observing when you feel anxious and identifying its cause. Write these observations down. Within a months time, you will have a list of triggers that prompt anxiousness in you. Knowing what causes your anxiety is the first step to addressing it. You cannot have a plan of action if you don’t first know what you’re planning for.
#3. Ask “Is this Real?”.
Oftentimes, we don’t even notice anxiety until it’s right in front of our faces. In these instances, it’s important to have a few mechanisms in our back pocket that we’ve practiced in order to de-escalate our anxious state. Firstly, ask yourself, “Is this real?”. Do I really have that much to do? Will it actually take me as long as I think it will? Am I honestly that far behind schedule? After answering these questions, move onto step 2.
Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to make this more manageable?” (refer back to the 10 minute rule for further explanation). Then after getting the easy stuff off of your to-do list, tackle the hard thing. Yes, you heard me correctly. Do the difficult thing; there really is no way around it so you might as well confront it head on.
Imagine how much less stress you will have after it’s completed. This single thing is likely the culprit of 95% of your anxiety. How do you lessen the anxiety? By getting to work on that which is anxiety-inducing. *Cue Mic Drop*
Maybe anxiety looks different in your life. Perhaps you don’t suffer with it at all. Regardless, each of us has our own brand of suffering that we entertain, likely more often than we care to admit. Whatever your own, personal brand of suffering looks like, I encourage you to confront it head on. Use the tools identified above and apply them to your own mountain.
The key, I believe, to get a handle on your anxiety is to develop tools that help you live on offense rather than defense mode. It is far easier to practice habits that work to minimize anxiety before it exists than it is to fight it off when it’s already present.
I think it’s also important to mention that medication can be incredibly beneficial especially when you’re in the trenches of debilitating anxiety. It feels impossible to dig yourself out of a hole when you’re already 10-feet deep (aka consumed by anxiety and self-deprecating thoughts). Medication can be the vehicle that helps lift you out of the hole. Once you’ve made it to solid ground, develop tools and techniques to fight against anxiety and live in a healthy state so that you don’t find yourself in that same space again.
Daily Dose of Goodness 