Enough

As a 21-year old female, I am in the midst of a season plagued with comparison. I find that from the minute I wake up and check social to the second I lay down at night, I am bombarded by other people’s highlight reel– photos on Instagram of celeb bloggers and their post-workout selfies with sun-kissed skin and makeup hardly touched by a single sweat bead. When I walk outside, there are women with perfectly manicured nails and fall outfits straight off of Pinterest.

The tendency to compare has never felt so strong. The constant body shaming, dieting, and thoughts of inadequacy are debilitating and continuing to believe these lies will leave us emotionally drained and unable to show up in our own lives.

My dear readers, this madness must stop. Being a self-assured woman in today’s world is a challenge; this we know all too well. The answer to combat the comparison isn’t simple and it doesn’t come without commitment and continuous effort however, the state of our future selves depend on it.

“You are only as amazing as you let yourself be.”

Repeat these words several times over. Let their meaning sink in. You are amazing. You are as amazing as you allow yourself to be.

Several years ago when I was finishing up my sophomore year of high school, I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of defeat. I looked around and saw girls with pin straight hair, name brand athletic wear, and blemish free skin. Everyday at school, I found myself wishing I had more of their features and less of mine.

Although I don’t remember the exact day or what prompted the change, I recall feeling so tired of not liking myself. I was tired of trying to be like everyone else because I was doing a really crummy job at it. No matter how long I would spend on my hair and makeup each morning, it never felt like enough….I never felt enough.

Finally, I decided to stop being anyone but myself. I committed to being my biggest cheerleader. After all, if I wasn’t going to be, who would? Think about that for a minute. If you aren’t screaming for yourself the loudest, who will? If you aren’t celebrating yourself the most, no one is going to do it for you. I decided to raise my pompoms in the air to cheer loud and proud for the person I was, exactly as I was.

And you know what happened when I started to like the person in the mirror? It showed. People began to notice. I smiled bigger and laughed more often because I had finally stopped the fight for perfection; a fight that I would inevitably lose every time.

Innately, every single human’s top priority is themselves. Let’s take a minute to break that down. Think about a person in your life who always shows up for you no matter the circumstances, time of day, or number of text messages you send. For me, that’s my mom. As much as I know my mom loves me, she cannot be the amazing mother that she is without first taking care of herself. You cannot give what you do not have (see my earlier post titled “Fill Your Cup”). For instance, this past weekend, my friend and I took a trip to the island of Tenerife. As we waited for take-off, the flight attendants demonstrated how to put on a life jacket and use the seat cushion as a flotation device in case of an emergency. Later they explained that in the event of decompression, oxygen masks would automatically appear. They instructed that you must first put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person next to you. The same applies to loving yourself and others. You cannot give love if every time you look in the mirror, you immediately pick apart the reflection.

Simply stated, you leak what you have. If you are full of kind thoughts and loving affirmations, you will leak them when others are around. If every time you try on clothes, you fill your mind with self-deprecating thoughts, you will subconsciously do the same to those around you.

So I ask you: what are you leaking?

What do you tell yourself when you look in the mirror? What words do you feed yourself in silence? The words you whisper when no one is around are subsequently the words you will speak when people are listening.

Rachel Hollis- author, podcaster, and woman-empowerer- reminds us of these truths. She says, “You become what you consume. If you find yourself in a slump or feel as though you’re living in a negative space, take a good hard look at who and what you see everyday.” This means, to the best of your ability, removing every negative thing that pertains to the mountain you are trying to overcome. Not so long ago, I had gone through an emotional break-up. My heart felt permanently broken. During this fragile season of thick emotions and an unclear vision for my future, the best thing I did for myself was unfollow the accounts on social media that talked excessively about soulmates, broken hearts, and sad quotes. I did not need to aid the efforts of my pity party more than I already had. In order to dig myself out of what felt at the time like a bottomless hole, I had to be incredibly diligent of the content I consumed.

Similarly, if you aspire to adopt a healthier lifestyle, it is probably wise to unfollow every account centered around donuts, ice cream, and guilty pleasures. It’s not to say that you will never again be able to look at another maple-glazed bacon donut however, waking up to photos of them every morning isn’t promoting success.

Since my change in perspective sophomore year, I still experience natural ups and downs. Some days, I fight feverishly to silence the negative self-talk and other days, my pompoms are waving proudly in the air. The key to maintaining a new standard for your life is to outline a handful of habits that you will do everyday, or more days than not, that reinforce the behavior you are trying to adopt.

Every morning, right after I turn off my alarm, I take the journal beside my bed and write five things for which I am grateful. Next, I write three things I plan to accomplish that day. I do not put “To-Do” list on the top of the page as I’ve found that this overused term brings anxiety and frustration when its items are not finished. Instead, I write “To Accomplish” as the header for this prompt. Designating three things that I must get down that day in order to feel accomplished when my head hits the pillow that night provides me with a direction for the hours ahead. This routine takes no more than 15 minutes and when I catch myself feeling flustered, I revert back to my morning’s list in order to refocus my thoughts and stay in a constant mode of gratitude.

The above are tools that I have found essential in determining and maintaining my standards for a high quality of life. I challenge you to create several of your own morning routines or use one of mine. The importance is not which method you choose to start your day so long as you consistently do something that puts yourself in the driver’s seat.

I want to remind you that you are enough. You are so stinkin’ enough I can’t even handle it. We may have never met but I am so sure that you are incredible and you have talents and gifts that no other human being on this entire planet possesses. Your laugh, your smile, your humor- they are ALL unique and completely yours. That fact alone should make you want to raise your pompoms high in the air and start cheering for yourself.

You are only as amazing as you let yourself be. So what are you waiting for?

-Ally